Heavyheart312's Journals

not fair chapter 3.

october of the next year rolled around and brendon strolled down the chilled streets of chicago pulling his hoodie around him tighter as he opened the door to a near by starbucks smiling at the rush of warm air as it stung his face and body. he made his way to the counter and ordered paying the woman at the counter. he wandered over to the magazine stand and scoffed as a little less than half of the magazines were graced with his picture and some witty headline about panic breaking up.

"you know, if your trying to hide from cameras and crazed fans you might not want to stand right next to pictures of yourself" a voice said beside him. he looked at the arm chair a few feet away from him and his mouth hung open for a moment at the sight of anna.

"um hey!" he said waving like an idiot before putting his arm back down and blushing slightly. she giggled and gave a small wave herself.

"hey stranger" she said softly. he motioned a one minute sign and grabbed his coffee before sitting down in the arm chair beside her. she sat back and crossed her legs smiling softly.

"so...panic...." she said sighing. "my fault?" she asked frowning slightly.

"no. not at all. we were sick of ryan. he was out of control and it just kept getting worse. jon stayed because he thinks he can help ryan. not your fault at all. promise" he said smiling at her. she smiled back softly and nodded. they sat in silence for awhile and he sighed.

"you never called..." he mentioned.

"im fine. nothing to talk about" she said smiling.

"i know. you look great" he said chuckling to himself as she blushed.

"thanks. you too" she said biting her lip slightly.

"do you want to hang out maybe? im here for awhile. two months actually. were on break and i just bought an apartment here" he said hopefully.

"um yea. sure" she said smiling.

"can i pick you up around six?" he asked. she nodded shyly and she wrote her number down giving it to him before grabbing her coffee and standing up. they said good bye and he watched her walk out and walk down the street before pulling out his phone, dialing her number quickly.

"hello?" anna answered picking up her phone on the third ring.

"hey. its brendon. dress warm" he said quickly.

"um ok. what are we doing?" she asked curiously. she heard him chuckle and looked at her phone in disbelief as he hung up on her. she shook her head laughing to herself and made her way back to her flat looking at the clock. it was four.

chapter 2.

ryan didnt sleep even a bit that night. he just sat on the ground and watched her sleep. he was scum. the most disgusting vile person he had ever known. he watched her sleep in his tee shirt, mascara and a light application of black eyeliner caked down her face from her tears. he had stolen this girls virginity and hurt her in the worst way a girl could get hurt. around nine that morning she awoke. he looked at her and she sat up quickly curling into a ball. the tears quickly returned and she layed back down into her small ball and retreated to the back corner of the bunk where the curtain covered her in darkness. he felt the bed as she trembled knowing tears were still falling. he sighed and got up slowly so he wouldnt scare her and made his way to another bunk.

brendon returned with ryan to the lower bunk and sat on the edge pulling the curtain back to reveal anna. he watched the poor girl cry and shake in fear and sighed. ryan was out of control and this was the last straw. he put his anger towards ryan out of his mind and motioned for him to go into the front room. as soon as ryan was gone brendon smiled and put his hand in front of her like he would a new cat. she stayed still and eyed his hand wearily.

"no one else is going to hurt you. promise. are you hungry? do you want a shower?" he asked politely. she nodded her head and took his hand and let him help her stand up. he grabbed a towel and one of his tee shirts and a pair of sweat pants deciding ryans jeans were a bad idea. he showed her the bathroom and left quickly after showing her how to use the shower and went to the kitchen.

"is she ok?" ryan asked worriedly after awhile.

"you mean is she going to tell" brendon said bitterly "and i dont know. she wont speak. you raped her. shes not going to be ok." he said angrily.

"it was a mistake. im so-"

"dont even start that bullshit! this isnt some show you fucked up or your vices. you hurt a girl. a small high school girl. a child. a fan. your disgusting" he yelled. ryans eyes traveled to the bathroom and brendon turned around seeing anna standing there in his clothes trembling again from his voice.

"anna im sorry. i didnt mean to yell. do you want eggs? cereal? i can make french toast." he said quickly trying to make her comfortable.

"eggs please" she said so softly is was almost a whisper.

"scrambled?" she nodded and brendon practically ran to the fridge cracking three large eggs into a pan trying to hurry. she must have been starving. as she ate brendon sat across from her and watched her shovel the eggs into her mouth. when she was finished she got up and washed the dish herself thanking brendon. he nodded and ryan got up approaching her carefully.

"listen. im so sorry about last night. really. im not usually like that. i just. i was out of it and i know thats not an excuse-"

"your right. its not an excuse. your an ass. all i wanted was an autograph. i was a huge fan. your songs were my life. you had no reason to do what you did. your disgusting" she shouted. the loudest anyone had ever heard her speak. he took a step back and she grabbed her cell phone off the table leaving the bus quickly.

"wait!" brendon yelled chasing her. she stopped and waited for him to catch up crossing her arms.

"here" he said panting. she looked at the ten digits and scoffed.

"im off boys for awhile" she said handing it back.

"ryan didnt use a condom. call if anything happens he said handing it back. we'll support and pay for any decision you make" he said saying the latter part softly.

"im eighteen in two months and i cant have children. your friend is off scot free." she said bitterly.

"hes not my friend. and im sorry. but take the number. its mine. if you need anything the whole band is here for you" he said putting it in her hand. she looked down at the number and nodded watching him run back to his bus.

she called a cab and twenty minutes later she was home.

"hey you. ive been waiting. where have you been all night?" her mother asked as soon as she was home.

"i slept over marisa's house last night" she said lying quickly.

"oh. well a phone call would have been nice" she said returning to her book.

"sorry" she mumbled before running to her room to dive into her sheets and sleep.

chapter 1.

anna nicole davison was an ordinary girl. she was witty and smart and had both her parents. they were an upper middle class family like most and she was an only child. today, anna nicole davison waited patiently. for today she was going to meet the man that made her heart beat. his words were her soul and his music made her feel special. she was determined she would meet george ryan ross the third and tell him just how wonderful he was as he signed her little bit of paper and maybe even smile at her and thank her before returning to his bus. as she waited outside the venue she smirked to herself, proud she had waited out the rest of the crowd to meet this amazing man. it was almost midnight but she was determined. the rest of the band had passed by around eleven and she had talked to them politely and was assured by them that ryan would be out soon. a few minutes later she felt her stomach drop and her heart soar as the door swung open to reveal the ryan ross.

she watched as ryan stumbled out of the building looking at her with crazed eyes. she ignored his features and went straight up to him holding out her piece of paper and her black felt tip sharpie blushing. he looked at the paper and started stumbling back into the building. anna stepped back and moment and recovered running after him.

"hi...im anna. im such a big fan. your music-"

"shut the fuck up. i know what you want!" ryan said slapping the girl so hard she hit the ground. annas eyes welled up with tears and she felt the skin on her face give a small throb.

"im sorry. i just wanted-"

"i know what you want. did you ever stop to think of what i want? no one does." he said with a bitter tone. she had no idea what he was talking about and started crying, scared by his behavior. her ryan would never do this. he was gentle and soft spoken and compassionate.

ryan saw the small girl trembling on the ground. she was so tiny. smaller than his own frail self. she looked like a child. he helped her up and looked at her face. she was a beautiful girl. she had long auburn hair and green eyes that were full of tears though she was too proud to let them spill onto her face. the cocaine and liquor in his system made his body lurch with anger. he wanted to make this beautiful girl cry. the sickest part of ryan wanted to make her scream and cry and bleed. girls like her made him angry. the ones that idolized him every night. he was sick of this life. he hated the music and he was sick of what he had made. she made him angry. he laughed to himself as he let his thumb run over the red spot on her face and smiled at the peace it brought the rest of his angry self. he tightened his grip as she started to squirm and growled.

"look me in the eye" he said grabbing her face. she looked at him bewildered and gasped in pain as he pushed her against the wall. she trembled as he ripped her shirt off eyeing her chest.

"please dont" she begged as he removed her bra as well making his way down to her jeans. she started to kick and he hit her again, her head hitting the wall behind her. she moaned in pain and bit her lip, bracing herself against the coldness of the small room. it was a recording room. sound proof walls. no one would hear her screams. she cried out in pain as his teeth found her tender nipple and she started squirming again trying to escape. her foot made contact with his stomach and she sprinted away as he doubled over with the wind knocked out of him. she smiled as she reached the door and then felt his hands wrap around her slamming her onto the sound board. all the keys and controls dug into her body and she trembled with fear as she saw him remove his belt and pin stripped pants. he smiled devilishly as he pushed into her feeling the tear of her virginity. he smiled and started moving quickly as he saw tears run down her face. he felt his orgasm come quickly and he let himself release inside her moaning. god she was tight. he pulled out of her quickly and let go watching her fall to the ground. he saw her lay there motionless except for the stream of tears running down her face. he zipped up his pants and kicked her hard.

"still a fan?" he asked bitterly. he started towards the door and looked down at her. regret and sober thoughts suddenly came to him and bile rose into his throat as he looked at her. he ran to the bus and the other three members of the band looked at his crazed eyes.

"ryan your high. get out of here. no one wants to see this." brendon said bitterly.

"guys please. i did something terrible." he said as tears spilled down his cheeks. the three got up worried and followed ryan out of the bus.

so im back. some one please read. im begging you! haha.